(If you’re reading this in the future I am doing better now 
)
Hey everyone. You all know me as DREX0R here and a lot is going on in my personal life and I can barely keep up with it. So with that I’m just gonna say it: I’m god damn depressed. It’s getting bad in the sense I don’t feel like myself sometimes anymore. I feel like a new person some days, I feel I’m not good enough, and I feel that I just displease everyone. Now while this is probably not true you see I’m my own worst critic compared to a lot of others in here, where they can’t beat themselves up as much as others. That’s why I’m so cheery all the time because I can only really beat myself up about stuff. Because of this when i get depressed I tend to do it heavily and a lot. I’m known as the fun, funny, more cheery player and I’d rather be known as that then some depressed kid who whines because I’ve seen others on here do that and it pisses me off. I understand you will give support as you naturally do but I’m not looking for support currently, while I will appreciate it I’m not currently looking for it. Now I’m going to split this into 5 chapters but I would like there to be one clear message.
I’m sorry
why am I writing and feeling this?
Recently you guys can observe I haven’t been acting the same as before, while I got more mature as I planned that isn’t it. I feel been less lively, fun, and enjoyable to be around. Due to irl events I kind of feel alone now and I want to talk about it. The only problem is I don’t want to make one person concerned about me while doing this. I need to talk about this to someone as I realize this is unhealthy and I’d prefer that it would be you guys over anyone else as your more understandable and kinder then a lot of other douches I know. So I’m going to talk about it. As I stated before I’m depressed, heavily currently and I don’t want others pity on here or to be known as the guy who wants others to treat him like some sort of emotional emperor but I want to get a few messages out. Some of you might reach out when I post this and I’ll be happy to answer questions then but for now I’ll try to think from your perspectives while writing this.
Q: will I be ok?
A: I will be ok I tend to bounce back but now is more severe
Q: will I answer other questions?
A: Yes it will take time though
Q: is this a quitting post?
A: No i’m not leaving
Q: what are the personal issues?
A: personal means personal but it involves my mental health in some ways
so with this I want to say
Im sorry for disappointing you all with the way I act now
tying loose ends
Now this isn’t all I wanted to say as I feel there is more to discuss. I would like to apologize to staff next as I haven’t been a good or person to you in the past. I’m sorry for acting out heavily and racking up a high punishment record because I know your job is hard enough like others like me. I’m sorry for disturbing the other members of the server. I’m sorry for saying stupid things. Im sorry for ruining your player experience on here. I want to apologize to the past staff.
Now there is more ends to tie. So while I can’t remember all of them and some might be partially tied others still aren’t so I just want to try and get rid of them. So this part is meant for specific people.
@jamiedactyl I have talked with you before about all of this and it’s resolved but I saw your forum post about off topic posts and I have and am currently limiting my posts but there is still the matter of me doing it in the past so I’m sorry for not making the forums a fun space.
@Gr8ssSkeppyG1rl I’m sorry for starting so many arguments with you in the past. I shouldn’t have even when provoked and there was no good reason I was angry at you so i’m sorry for being angry at you.
@massivebrain I’m sorry for disrespecting you on discord in DMs. I don’t want to get too much in detail as the situation is behind us but it seriously was a ****ty move of me.
As for all the others I’ve emotionally beat down, I’ve insulted, I’ve sworn at, I’ve argued with, and all the other nasty things I’ve done I’m sorry.
I do not expect forgiveness nor am I looking for it because I do not deserve it but I was wrong because I was once wronged so it doesn’t make it right.
I’m sorry for hurting you all.
what I wish would happen from this
I have stated a few things about this situation i’m in and I feel this post will get heavy attention so with that I would like to say a few things, in spite of looking on the forums you get to see past behavior unlike the discord and the server where chat floods. Now i’ve seen a horrible amount of toxicity toward others in the past and thankfully its lessening now but there is still too much. I find It is despicable how we act when we feel someone is trying to prove their point better then ours. This is not staffs fault for not moderating this as we shouldn’t be doing this anyway and I do not wish for this post to be about how we treat eachother as there is a simple work around to it (i’ll say it later) but this is no ones fault but our own in the sense we hate each other for the stupidest things. I feel i’m not the one to say this but I’m going to anyway.
please and I mean *Please remember this work around to the situation “treat others how you want to be treated” thats a simple rule and it has benefitted me as soon as I used it.
I’m sorry this will never be a reality
the reason I keep going
This chapter is dedicated to the people that make my time on here amazing. I never will deserve you all for the ways you treated me while I treated you. A lot I’ve treated fairly but you always are better than me and you always will the way you tend to hustle. So with that I would like to thank some people.
@endyz thank you for being an absolute chad and giving me the best times on Kitpvp.
@mjap I’ve seen you on another server but I have been cold toward you recently as of this depression. I’m sorry I was and I would love to catch up
@jamiedactyl I would like to thank you for reaching out and apologizing to me. It’s not often people go the lengths to do that and I appreciate it. I will continue to be more mature in these coming days but I would like to thank you now. I also should’ve apologized to you first.
@kiikyo thank you for the map art which was probably the best present I’ve received on my birthday. Also thank you for being a person that shall help me through this struggle
@phol__ Im never going to repay you for all the stuff you did in survival for me XD. So much I owe to you from my skyrocketing success and it’s amazing the stuff you do.
@Moumik your an amazing writer when it comes to things and an even more amazing person. Truly one of the best writers I’ve seen actually.
@danior my favorite meme man. I’m still going to use the cosmetic you bought me despite me not even knowing you for 2 months or however long it’s been . You have one of the most kind hearts and I speak that from a person who knows a lot of staff.
@Candlea you truly are one of my best if not my best inspiration to change and be more mature and I hope your anxiety goes down as well, glad to have you.
@scop211 I know you recently and I’m sorry if I’m wrong but I believe you have a bad past reputation. But I went to say anyone can change and I’m living proof. Dude you’re amazing and I know if you just try hard you’ll achieve your dreams. Good luck on staff!
@eevey your the nicest person I met. That’s legit all there is to say because you’re just that good. You’re what I aspire to be in kindness and I hope you know that.
@simfonija your an incredible artist and I’m glad to be your friend. It’s been nice catching up because I haven’t seen you in some time up til recently. Can’t wait to see the next work of art.
@oracol your my favorite femboy. Nothing more to say. Also thanks for the discord invite I’ll keel causing havoc there everyday 
. (Seriously your one of the most passionate members of Kitpvp and your actively trying to change it while others complain so I respect you for that)
@anon86933269 and @mddey thank you for being the best Kitpvp staff I’ve known. Don’t feel left out sharing a spot but damn you guys are nice even when I was different back then.
@JakeIsBakin your a canadian that actually lives up to the good stereotypes. Shame I lost a lot of contact with you but your still chill
@sheeyaa i remember you recently kind of quit munchy and I’m sorry I forgot to add you in here sooner but your such a nice person I just had to edit this in, your an amazing person and I’ve seen you want to do better in school I think so I wish you the best and just remember we’re all here for you when you need us! I do hope you come back for more fun though.
@RealParasitz i already know your going to achieve your dreams the way you dedicate yourself to things and I will support you every step of the way. Your one of the most wonderful people I’ve met on the forums.
@Ballski you suck and I hope you had a miserable birthday. Seriously I’m sorry I couldn’t celebrate it. Happy late birthday man I hope your birthday was wonderful.
@Entity_Alpha I been loving the forum post and I hope you continue making more. I have not met you but I hope to see you on Kitpvp.
@numbersix thank you for writing my favorite reply when I was doing an April fools joke of pretending to quit. Really changed a couple of perspectives for me.
And thank you to
Many, many, many more but I still feel that there is more to say so
I’m sorry I’ll never be good enough for you all.
conclusions and beginnings
This chapter name must confuse all of you as these are polar oposites and you all are already wondering how this is going to end and whats going ot happen to me. I am not in control of time itself and I do not know. However there is some things I will know so heres a few:
I will get better. I always do and this will take more time then usual but I will get better.
I will keep playing on the server. I never will leave until I feel I want to not i’m forced to.
I will do better. I realize that I can do better and I shall prefer that I will.
I will do my best to be mature. I see others getting more mature by the day and i’m happy to be one of them too.
I will come back. I always come back.
as for beginnings whats going to happen is nothing. Theres going to be minor changes but i’ll still be the funny, forum posting, expert survival capitalist, and leader of woolwars poopers we all know (and for some people love) but when I come back I still be feeling this. I’ll still be a mood kill for a bit still going to be like this until it clears up then it will be like none of this ever happened is my guess. But please do not forget.
I’m sorry that i’m depressed
My depression is partial but others are depressed as well so if you know someone like this please check on them. I’m writing this post to show you all what is happening to me but I want this to be used as something good that helps others. I feel I needed to write this post because it would help my mental health and it is currently. I can’t look at all the replies currently but i’ll respond to all of them. I apologize for the ways I have wronged you all and I needed to make this to get it off my conscious and because im genuinely sorry so I apologize for everything. I know this is an upsetting post and I have thought of how the world would be wonderful without me for a bit (I’m not going to act upon this as I value things here and in real life) but when thinking of this I realized I had to tell someone or a multitude of people. I shall see you all soon enough but I got to make sure i’m ok before you are so you can message me here on the forums or at DREX0R#3478 and I’ll take any questions. I miss you all already and again i’m not quitting so I don’t want to see a single goodbye and this break isn’t long I just want to update you on my situation so with that:
