It’s been a small lease that we haven’t seen each other. I hope everyone is doing well.
I doubted the need to write these texts to you but if I agree that they have a certain value, then I might as well share them although I am extremely scared. It’s been about a month since I had to leave for sinister reasons that some might sympathize with, for a depression that afflicted me and for a mental pressure that obstructed my vision. I am just messed up and it lead me to do things that I disliked, to burn down such an adventure around the network. Overall, I was not okay at all.
However, this absence allowed me to focus on my classes and pass my exams brilliantly. Stella finally graduated. It allowed me to discuss with a lot of people as well as a psychologist to understand my remarks. It allowed me to put on all the pressure I felt as well as find the rest I needed to get better.
I want to come to the point of the very reason for my departure and finally find myself here. Playing on Munchy no longer did me any good, I could only think of bad aspects of this community, whether related to certain people directly or indirectly. I was only thinking of one goal, which I think you have all come to see. This goal, these injustices, this anger that animated me, all this made sure that I no longer played for pleasure but for a certain interest.
And that saddens me. I regret that I went out of my true way. My way is to spread a sweet scent of pleasure wherever I go. To satisfy people as soon as I can and find the desire to play. A bit like a candle, I do not necessarily try to linger or highlight myself, I seek to share the light that has been granted to me when the atmosphere is dark and icy.
I resumed the game a few days ago because I missed it a lot and I already feel at home, like a return home. Of course, I had to change my name because Candle__ traumatizes me and I would like to start again on a new basis, to reforge myself with a better reputation. Even if the flame in me goes out, I can still look at the roses of life trying to make me smile. I gradually resume this pleasure, review a lot of knowledge to be able to just cajole in all serenity.
Even though, in the meantime, I deleted a lot of my friends for the reason of wanting to take everything back from the very beginning. I know that this is still impossible in itself, but I still make efforts to no longer be Candle__. Especially since there is already a new candle to shine !!! Right, @Candle_Flame ???
But I would like to conclude this post with French because I will feel comfortable and I could share with you my real feelings. This means a lot to me.
Je sais que je peux être stupide, bizarre, complexée, instable et juste très dépressive… j’ai toujours fait et je ferais toujours des efforts pour y remédier. Le fait de partir m’a beaucoup bouleversé et mon retour me chagrine car je me dis que j’aurais pu éviter cette, entre guillemet, catastrophe de ma part. Je peux paraître absurde. Je le sais, j’ai même honte de ce que j’écris en ce moment car les gens peuvent me prendre pour une gamine qui joue sur les sentiments. Je vous demande, je vous prie et vous supplie de me pardonner, d’oublier cette erreur que j’ai commise et que je regrette au plus profond de mon âme. Je veux m’amuser et faire en sorte que les gens s’amusent davantage. Je veux vous faire susciter un sentiment de bonheur, de plaisir lorsque vous jouez sur le serveur et je serais heureuse, très heureuse de voir que j’aurais cette certaine influence sur un serveur que j’apprécie énormément. Je m’en fiche de ce que les gens pourraient penser de ma personne, de ma maturité et de mes qualités en terme de gestion de serveur car je sais ce que je vaut et même si l’opportunité de servir davantage la communauté ne s’ouvre pas, je ne baisse pas les bras. De toute façon, être moi même et faire plaisir aux autres est humblement suffisant. La bougie peut s’éteindre, mais ses remords ne feront qu’accroître son envie de faire plus. Je vous aime tous, tous autant que vous êtes, et j’espère vraiment, mais alors vraiment que ma petite personne ne vous aura pas trop causé de tracas.
A l’heure où j’écris ce post, il fait 3 heures du matin et je ne pourrais très clairement pas dormir sans l’avoir posté bien avant. Je veux juste persévérer et pouvoir profiter du serveur en étant moi même. Continuons d’avoir du plaisir à jouer ensemble, love you all !
Welcome back and I hope you feel better, I’ll always be here to listen and help if you ever need a hand <3