Hi,
I’m coming to you for the last time to say farewell, originally I wasn’t going to say anything but it just seems unfair for me to come all this way without saying anything.
I quit.
Yep, I quit, I’m gone, cya, goodbye. There’s a couple reasons for this which I’ll get to in a moment but a bit of backdrop.
I joined munchy and the community in 2019, back then I was like most people a young dumb skeppy fan who wanted to troll the server, who eventually became a Badboyhalo fan. I tell people I joined for Badboyhalo and stayed for the community for a reason, I had never before experienced being apart of a community in general, let alone an internet one. I had barely ever put in practice a morale compass which is probably why a lot of people thought I was weird, stupid, arrogant, or in rare cases creepy and scary.
I started becoming more active in late 2021 when Mike gave me my unmute for my perm mute, I wanted to rejoin the community and become a force for good, and, I failed, atleast in the later months. I wanted to become staff, but in the end failed. Most of my actions from mid 2021-mid 2022 were just motivated to get staff so I could do something I could enjoy with my favourite and quite frankly only community. I wanted nothing but to enjoy myself, which only lead me to nothing. 2022 also incurred in me a lot of personal stuff which I wont go into right now, so I had nothing else to fall back on. By late 2022 I gave up wanting staff and decided to enjoy myself, and I did for a while.
Mid to late 2022 was probably the most enjoyable time here, and I really enjoyed a lot of the interactions, friendships and other stuffs that I’ve had here, but it’s now when things have started to gone wrong. Me being weird and being myself doesn’t know how to handle interactions with people, doesn’t know how to deal with toxicity, doesn’t know how to fix friendships and fights with people besides saying “I’m sorry I know what I did was wrong please forgive me”, because most of the time it isn’t enough.
And then the gripes started, me being mad at staff, me being mad at the way things are run, my morbid curiosity getting me into places where I really shouldn’t be, but I’m just so curious I feel I have the right to know and share knowledge. But it’s also a lot of you that I’m mad at, for viewing me as weird when I already know I am, for stating the obvious, for being generally bad people even though in actuality you aren’t, it’s just me you hate right? I’m the only one who you despise due to my actions over the years, you’re enjoying me leaving, and I know you are.
Obviously, that doesn’t go out to the slim few who are actually decent people, or average people. Just the below average, the incompetent and the hated, or the ones like me who decided to do something dumb and now can never be forgiven.
So, in the end, I gave up! I stopped playing minecraft. I thought in the end me continuing a link with the community without me being exposed to the worst of the toxicity would be good for me, but I was wrong. I gave up minecraft because I wanted to focus on real life, on stuff that actually matters, and watching some quality anime, to enjoy myself, but still become a part of the community. But that just isn’t the case anymore, me not playing created a rift between me and the community, and it’s quite obvious that I just don’t belong here anymore, and there’s going to be a few that say “No Crafty, you’re always welcome here-“ wrong. You’re not the majority, I love you as a person and would love to continue chatting to you as a friend, but I don’t need this community for that. I want to be loved, not hated. I want to be a new person who focuses on the good and the wholesome things in life.
I want to break the cycle.
Alright, that’s one half of the title explained, let me give an analogy for the other one.
There once was a famous female swimmer who was the best in her world at the time, and swam across the English Channel. She was so famous that she got a ton of attention and got asked to swim a bunch of different bodies of water, one of which was a lake in America. It was no where near as big as the channel, but she swam across it. The thing is, a huge fog sunk in and covered everything, she could not see where she was going. She kept swimming but in the end she gave up. The length of the course was 26km, she swam 25.2km, just 800m from the finish, despite the best efforts of her support team, she could not keep going. When asked why, she replied:
“I could not see the goal to which I was going”.
Because I’ve lost sight of my goal, and because I’ve lost touch with this community, I probably will try to look for a new one and fail, because I’ve never met so many cool and talented and amazing people here. That, will force me to change, surround myself with many good people of which I choose, not ones I’m forced into because I’m attached to this community. I want the power of choice, I want to be a fresh person, not based on logic, but based on love.
So, I bid you adieu munchymc community, knowing myself, I may return, but there’s a couple things for certain.
I am the community member with the greatest and least impact in munchymc history. I devoted myself to this community in the hopes of gaining attention, and to enjoy myself, and I failed.
I am your greatest mistake.
-Crafty
To contact: Crafty#0161 on discord